Je een tuinslang gebruikt om zowel de buitenkant als de binnenkant schoon te spuiten.

De beste route van punt A naar punt B via een heuvel, over rotsen of door de modder is.

Een kras of een deuk een schoonheidsmerk is.

Je moeder en zus er niet in kunnen zonder hulp.

Je Jeep op maat gemaakte striping heeft van een trail door struiken.

Je parkeert op een parkeerplaats waar sneeuw nog niet is weggehaald.

Je gedwongen bent om TJ, CJ en YJ toe te voegen aan je spellingschecker.

Je OVER een Ford Transit kan kijken.

Het regent en je het niet erg vindt dat de top en deuren niet op je Jeep zijn gemonteerd.

Je topless rondrijdt om de kerstverlichting buiten te bekijken.

Je een ijskrabber voor de binnenkant van je ramen moet gebruiken.

Je meer hitte van de gaten in de bodem krijgt dan van de verwarming (als die aanwezig is).

Je meer tijd doorbrengt onder je Jeep dan onder je wederhelft (partner).

Je meer aan de carwash uitgeeft dan aan de verzekering.

Of nog erger: de carwashes laten je niet meer binnen.

Je al je creditcard nummers uit je hoofd kent.

Je de deur dichtsmijt en stukken van droog modder op de grond uit elkaar spatten.

Je de enige in de straat bent die niet zijn oprijlaan sneeuwvrij maakt.

Je je E 500,= stereo op de snelweg niet hoort door de herrie van je banden.

Elke band die niet tot je middel komt op een donut lijkt.

Je een hoog-water markering aan de binnenkant van je Jeep hebt.

Je een reserve-onderdeel meeneemt voor elk aandrijfgedeelte van je Jeep.

Je tape gebruikt voor permanente reparaties.

Je portemonnee altijd leeg is.

Je nog een Jeep koopt terwijl je nog steeds geen meubels hebt voor je huis.

Je verlanglijst voor kerstmis begint met Super Swampers en sperdifferentieel en je partner weet wat dat zijn.

Je antwoord hebt gegeven op de vraag: "Wat heb je gedaan dit weekend??", daarna altijd de vraag komt: "En dit vind je leuk??".

Mensen je kennen van je "slechtere" momenten. "Oh, jij bent diegene die laatst bij de visvijver in de modder vastzat".

Je de verkoper van de Praxis versteld laat staan door elke week een kapotte koevoet om te ruilen.

Je denkt aan "The Jeep Owners Bible" als iemand het heeft over "Het Boek".

Je vrienden je niet bellen om te vragen hoe het met je gaat, maar je bellen om je te vertellen dat ze een andere route in het bos hebben gevonden.

Je iedereen met een Jeep, je vriend(in) noemt.

Je een lokale bouwplaats gebruikt als terrein om nieuwe onderdelen te testen.

Je weet hoe je naar elk off-road moet rijden, maar bent vergeten hoe je naar je schoonouders moet rijden.

Je Jeep niet meer in je garage past.

Je dagelijkse auto wordt gezien als een redelijke terreinauto.

De bestuurders achter je de auto voor je kunnen zien door onder de Jeep door te kijken.

Je gestopt bent met het wassen van je Jeep, omdat je dan de krassen ziet.

Je baas je vraagt om niet meer met de Jeep naar het werk te komen, omdat je antenne tegen het plafond van de parkeergarage schraapt.

Je een paar duizend gulden neertelt voor nieuwe assen, maar de afvoer van je aanrecht nog steeds lekt

Je naar een open plek in het bos kijkt en de beste lijn kan bepalen.

Je naar andere auto's kijkt en denkt: "Daar kan ik overheen rijden".

Je je grasmaaier wil verhogen of dat al gedaan hebt.

Je alles zonder 4WD als niet te gebruiken beschouwd.

Je Jeep net zoveel kost als een Italiaanse sportauto.

Je gemotiveerd raakt als iemand zegt: "Dat haal je nooit" of "Niemand haalt dat".

 

Noah is a Jeep owner...

and God comes back to check on progress after one year...
"Well, it's not quite finished yet, Lord.
I decided to put some 38-inch Swampers under it for extra flotation,
then realized that I'd get some rubbing on the gunwales,
so I did some trimming on the side to fit the tires.
But while I was under there, I saw where I could move the shock
mounts up and get more travel, and figured since we don't know what
kind of terrain we'd be coming back down to,
I might want to make the modification.
Well, it went ok, except that it made the rear suspension kind of
spongy, so I decided to redo the 5-link in favor of some leaf
springs...which is a whole 'nuther story.
I had to rig up a new crossmember, and while I was at it,
I put in a 2" body lift and replaced the stock crossmember with one
that had better tuck, since I didn't know exactly how much higher
the flood would go than the mountains, and I didn't want to get
stuck on some awful mountain in Turkey or somewhere.

So I go to do the body lift and then realize that the engine will
need to be lifted, too, to resolve some drivetrain problems
and also to keep the radiator fan out of the shroud.
Then I realized, 'radiator fan? water crossing?',
and I went ahead and took out the clutch fan and put an electric in.
I also upgraded to a 3-core radiator.
Since we were going to be over water so much, I also stripped the
body down completely, in order to Rhino Line it, inside and also
underbody. That took forever because of the the tamper-proof torx
bolts, but I finally got the cage out and figured while I'm at it,
I might as well do a complete six-point cage,
but the local shop had nothing but rolled tube and I wanted DOM,
so there was a delay there.
So we get the tub put back together, the new cage in,
and I saw that the underside was really unprotected, so I decided
to add some armor. Made up some custom skid plates that attached to
the new crossmember I'd made, and also some rocker protection
that has built-in flotation devices...
you know what that means: on-board air.

Well, I scraped around in junkyards for a while till I found the
right York compressor and fabbed up a bracket for it.
Also got a K&N filter to move the stock airbox so the compressor
would fit. Now I'm looking at all that armor I'd added (1/4" steel)
and realize that the pitiful little 4 cylinder is not going to cut
it with all that weight, not to mention all the animals and food
and stuff, so I found a V8 that would fit (I figured that the DMV
of all things would not be around after the Flood anyway,
which is why I felt ok about doing a V8 instead of sticking with
a stock motor), but I needed a new bellhousing etc. and realized
that I might as well upgrade the transmission and transfer case
at the same time..."

At this point God interrupts Noah, "That's ok, Noah.
I figured this might happen, so I also enlisted your wife to help,
and she's picked out a nice used Suburban that will do just fine.
Just go on down to the dealer and pick it up and you..."

Noah breaks in, "yeah, okay ... and with some fender trimming
and a body lift, I could fit some "35s" ... yeah that'll do ...
and maybe put a winch on the front ... and"

God: "Uh, Noah?"

Yes, Lord?

Never mind!!!!

1. Jeeps don't get pregnant.

2. You can drive your Jeep any time of the month.
3. Jeeps don't have parents.
4. Jeeps don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your Jeep with your friends.
6. Jeeps don't care how many other Jeeps you've ridden.
7. When driving, you and your Jeep can arrive at the same time.
8. Jeeps don't care how many other Jeeps you have.
9. Jeeps don't care if you look at other Jeeps.
10. Jeeps don't care if you buy Jeep magazines.
11. You'll never hear, "Surprise! You're going to own a new Jeep!"
...unless you go out and get it yourself.

12. If your Jeep goes flat, you can fix it.

13. If your Jeep is too loose, you can tighten it.

14. If your Jeep is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.

15. You can have a Jeep of color and still bring it home to your parents.

16. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Jeep.

17. If you say bad things to your Jeep,
you don't have to apologize before you drive it again.
18. You can drive your Jeep as long as you want and it won't get sore.
19. You can stop driving your Jeep as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
20. Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Jeep after you dump it.
21. Jeeps don't get headaches.
22. Jeeps don't insult you if you're a bad driver.
23. Your Jeep never wants a night out with the other Jeeps.
24. Jeeps don't care if you're late.
25. You don't have to take a shower before you ride your Jeep.

26. If your Jeep doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

27. You can drive your Jeep the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner,
see a movie, or meet its mother.
28. The only protection you have to wear when driving your Jeep is a decent seat belt.
29. When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great drive you had the
last time you were in your Jeep.
30. Your Jeep is never embarrassed to go topless in public.

31. You only have to feed your Jeep when you use it.

32. A rocky relationship with your Jeep is actually fun.

33. Jeeps don't care how much money you spend on them.

34. You never have to worry about your Jeep spending your money.

35. You don't have to remember your Jeep's birthday, when you first met, or anniversaries.

DOS Jeep

Requires you to install your own panel indications, and that you read the
directions carefully before opening the door. Originally only came with an 8
gallon gas tank, but now comes with a 16 gallon tank. The tank can be divided
into eight compartments of 2 gallons each, which have to be accessed
separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep
driving it after it's no longer available.
Macintosh Jeep
At first came only with a 16 gallon tank, but now comes with a 32 gallon tank.
Considered by many to be a "Real Jeep". All the Jeeps look identical. When you
open the door, it starts itself. Owners manuals are not available. If you call
to ask about the maintenance, you are told that "you don't need to know."
Windows 3.1 Jeep
The world's most popular Jeep. Comes with a 16 gallon tank and looks a lot like
Mac Jeeps. Requires that you previously owned a DOS Jeep. Claims that it allows
you to run several accessories previously available on DOS Jeeps
simultaneously, but in reality you can only run a few of them, very slowly,
especially slowly if you are running the Windows Jeep accessory at the same
time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a Windows Jeep will die, requiring
that all passengers exit and reenter the Jeep.

OS/2 Jeep

Comes with a 32 gallon tank. Does allow you to run several DOS Jeep accessories
simultaneously. Allows you to run Windows 3.1 Jeep accessories simultaneously
too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that the Jeep won't die when you drive
them, even if you off road in them. You never see anyone driving OS/2 Jeeps,
but the manufacturer claims that 9 million Jeeps have been sold.

Windows 95 Jeep
Only just out, the Windows 95 Jeep looks a lot like the Mac Jeep but runs more
like the Windows 3.1 Jeep. It comes with a 32 gallon tank, but when you put gas
in them, only 16 gallons will fit. Most people will probably keep driving
Windows 3.1 Jeeps until their friends try Windows 95 Jeeps and say they like
it. The owners manual, when you look at the small print, has some of the same
accessories that come in a DOS Jeep, even though the manufacturer claims that
this is an entirely new model.
Windows NT Jeep
Comes with a 32 gallon tank, but you can only buy gas for it by the truckload.
This causes most people to have to go out and buy the gas in groups. The Jeep
looks just like Windows 3.1 Jeep, but the company promises to change the Jeep
to look just like Windows 95 Jeep. Touted as an "industrial strength" Jeep, and
suggested only for use as fleet vehicles.
UNIX Jeep

This very heavy Jeep comes with 32 gallon tanks, and has been around for years.
Rumour has it that it was originally built as a hoax by a couple of bored
workers, only for them to find that some people actually liked the Jeep. It
tends to be driven only by freaks or eccentric academics, often with beards;
and drivers of it do not like drivers of any other Jeep. In its basic form it
is extremely difficult to drive and understand the panel indications, but with
the addition of the X-Panel modification, it can be operated on a par with the
others. Many other varieties exist, with a huge range of extras and (often
unpronounceable) accessories.

Women

Pull in to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee.
Fifteen minutes later, pay $25 and leave with a properly maintained Jeep.

Men

Go to NAPA Auto Parts and pay $30 for oil, filter, hand cleaner, scented tree air freshener, and numerous other items you realize you need.
Discover that your used oil collection container is full; take it to the recycling center.
Spend 20 minutes trying to locate your floor jack and jack stands; no luck.
Have a beer; you don't really need to jack up the Jeep anyway.
Place used oil collection container under the engine.
Pull out socket wrench and socket; the 5th one you try is finally the correct size.
Unscrew oil drain plug.
Drop drain plug in oil; splashing hot oil all over you (and the garage floor) in the process.
Wipe off face with dirty shop rag and sprinkle kitty litter on garage floor where oil splashed.
Have another beer while oil is draining.
Look 15 minutes for oil filter wrench; no luck.
Poke oil filter with a Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
Wipe oil off of your arm with same dirty rag used in step 9; sprinkle more kitty litter on floor.
Buddy shows up; finish off 6-pack with him. Screw the oil change; finish it tomorrow!
Next day, drag full oil collection container out from underneath the Jeep.
Sprinkle more kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15.
Have a . . . wait, no beer left, drank it all yesterday.
Walk 2 miles to Corner Store; buy more beer.
Apply a thin coat of clean oil to gasket and install new oil filter.
Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 8!

Scramble to find drain plug in oil collection container.
Hurry to replace drain plug before entire quart of fresh oil drains all over floor.
Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame; band head on floor board in reaction.
Begin cussing fit and throw wrench across garage.
Clean up and apply Band-Aid to knuckles.
Sprinkle kitty litter on one entire quart of fresh oil now pooled under the Jeep.
Have another beer.
Dump in remainder of oil into engine.
Realize that while you were under the Jeep, it would have been a good time to grease everything, bleed the brakes, replace those dry-rotted body spacers, and find out where that hideous clanking noise is coming from.
Drive back to NAPA and buy another $150 worth of parts that either won't fit, will break when you try to install them, or will be saved for a later project (all of which will have long been misplaced by the time you are ready to start subject project).
Drive Jeep (1-quart low of oil) for 7,000 miles; then return to Step 1.