Three mechanics were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.

The first mechanic finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands.
He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully.
He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water
on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "At Ford, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second mechanic finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands.
He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every
available portion of the paper towel.
He turns and says, "At Chevrolet, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough
but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third mechanic finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder:
"At Jeep, we don't pee on our hands!"

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud.
The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir," said one of the loafers,
"but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The C.O. turned to his driver and said,
"Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels
to give us some traction."

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During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another Jeep stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, " *Yours* is."

There were these three men, Dave, Jon, and Sam - who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died....

Now they stood there at the gates of heaven. An angel came up to them and said. "You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport choosen accordingly."
The angel looked at Dave and said: "You, Dave! You cheated on your wife five times!!! For this, you will drive around heaven in an old beat up Metro!"
The angel next looked at Jon and said: "You Jon, were not as evil....But you still cheated on your wife three times! For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a mini-van."
The angel finally looked at our hero, Sam, and said: "You, Sam have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Jeep."
A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Jeep. There he was, head in hands, crying....
"What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Jeep!!! You're set forever! Why so down?"
Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and said: "I just saw my wife go by on a skate board."